Personal Life Coach
It is a wonderful feeling to meet someone whom we are immediately attracted to. However fear of the unknown as well as bad experience in the past can hold us back from expressing our true selves. Learn a new approach that will not get you out there ready to shine but shift how you view yourself for the rest of your life.
Remember that time when you and your friends were out at some social event together just having fun. And then all of a sudden you see that attractive man looking at you, or that gorgeous woman just standing there. So you tap your friend on a shoulder and say: “hey, look there on your left, isn’t he/she cute?” Your friend’s response will naturally be to go talk to her/him. But you simply won’t budge. The best you can do is to throw a few glances in the direction of that beautiful stranger hoping that maybe by some kind of a miracle the stranger will approach you. So what are you afraid of?
Of course you know that he or she does not bite, but unfortunately you have probably found out that what really bites is rejection. What if you don’t get that phone number or a 1st date you’re hoping for? What if they already are in a relationship? What if they really looked at someone who was standing behind you? What if … fill in the blank! All of these questions you ask yourself, of course are natural and familiar to almost all of us. But you have probably also learned that if you don’t take your chances, you might regret it later on. A new meaningful connection that could happen is worth the risk. So, the main question is how do you go past all those fears and negative beliefs and go for what your heart desires?
There are many ways you can do this and you probably already know a few of them. Unfortunately most of them didn’t bring you the results you wanted and somewhere along the line you decided to give up. Before you do that, would you be open and willing to try a new method that just might work for you in a way you never expected it to? Well, read on!
The biggest mistake that most people make in this situation without realizing it subconsciously, is assuming that they have to act a certain way. We think we have to say things that are interesting enough, flirt in a way that does not come out too awkward, don’t come across as too nervous or desperate. We have all learned the technicality of it but we loose our spirit in the process. And we forget that the persona we try to put out there is not nearly as attractive as who we really are.
Confidence is known to be very attractive, however you cannot fake confidence. And you cannot be confident without first accepting yourself. Self acceptance is a process, and we can definitely practice it in the moment. All we need to do is make that first choice and it isn’t very hard. Try to be open and aware of how you feel inside and let go of any self judgment. It is OK to feel nervous in this situation, it’s OK to be anxious and it is OK to be afraid. Those are normal human feelings and they are valid for you considering what you’ve been through in the past. Coming to this realization alone will reduce a great deal of anxiety.
When you look at how you acted in the past, wasn’t your immediate motivation to do the exact opposite? Force yourself not to be afraid. That is quite understandable. After all, you don’t want the handsome stranger see you getting nervous. However, as soon as you realize and accept that it is OK to feel what you feel, you gain confidence.
This self acceptance is just the beginning and it is enough in its energy to get the ball rolling. Now try to take it to the next level. Consider the possibility that as a human being you are more than just OK. Think about yourself as a lovable spiritual being in a human body. You are attractive in your own way; you are lovable, interesting and beautiful child of God. This will put you in touch with who you really are and give you even more confidence. Now, do you feel like you’re ready to shine? Great job! Most of the work is done and it’s all downhill from there. This process may take a few minutes at first, but as you go along practicing it on a regular basis, it will take a lot less time. Eventually you will get to the point where you don’t even have to think about it, you will know it instinctively.
Now you’re ready to get present in the moment and your surroundings. Look at the person you want to meet, look at what’s going on around them and look for the right time to start acting. Look into their eyes and see how open they are. Is he looking back at you? Does she seem interested? Try not to go by general rule of 3 second eye gazing. A lot of people are shy and some women don’t feel comfortable keeping an eye contact with a man they don’t know for a long time. In fact, most women have a very good peripheral vision that they use to check out men without appearing to obvious. So just because she isn’t starring at you does not mean she does not find you attractive. If her signals are unclear to you at first, why not take it further and take the risk of approaching her anyway? When you find yourself attracted to a man who isn’t approaching you, why not approach him? If he is not interested, chances are, you will know it right away as soon as you start talking to each other. Don’t worry about what you’re going to say. It really is irrelevant. Your energy and state of mind is far more important. And your goal is to take action, not get the result.
So, how did that feel? What was it like to be courageous? You took the risk and it wasn’t easy, this is something worth applauding yourself for. Not what you said, not how you appeared, not how they reacted to you, not whether they’re available or not, not how nice or rude they were to you. It is your self acceptance, self love and the courage to take risk. So even if you didn’t get that phone number or the 1st date you were hoping for, that’s OK because there will be a next time. The next time you’re in a similar situation, remember what it felt like to have the courage.