By Cathy Meyer
Divorce Support Expert
According to Dr. Lawrence Wilson, “Letting go can be as simple as recycling or giving away old clothing. It can be as radical as leaving a long-standing marriage or friendship and changing one’s entire lifestyle. Whichever it is, it is always going to be somewhat painful. I mention this because the feeling of loss that accompanies any type of letting go is perfectly normal, and should not be confused. If one expects no pain, then when the pain of separation and letting go and abandonment hit, many people turn away rather than move forward boldly.”
When in the throws of emotional pain, “letting go” can be an abstract concept that is hard to grasp. When going through my divorce I heard and read a lot about detachment and moving and all I read seemed fine and dandy. The only problem? No one bothered to tell me exactly how one “lets go” or “moves on” when suffering debilitating emotional pain.
This article is an attempt to give you what I so desperately needed during that time in my life. It is a guide of sorts that will help you get through the “letting go” process while also dealing with the negative emotions that accompany a divorce.
It is about building a new path for your life that is not influenced by the pain of a broken marriage or the anger and resentment toward a spouse who has left. Dreams, hopes and fears are led by beliefs. We marry with the belief that it is going to last forever. We build dreams for a future with another person based on our belief that, that person will not let us down.
Moving forward and detaching during the divorce process means we have to come to terms with the fact that the dreams and hopes we had are now based on self-defeating beliefs. I hear from a lot of clients such things as, “he should not have cheated” or, “she made a vow and promised to stay.” These are thoughts or beliefs that keep us stuck in a situation we no longer have any control over.
They also create more conflict during a time when we need to be dealing with the “here and now” instead of our belief that the marriage should not be coming to an end. “Letting go” during the divorce process not only helps us focus on protecting our legal rights, it helps us rid ourselves of old dreams and hopes so we can start building new dreams and hopes for the future. We replace old beliefs with new beliefs!