from Wayne and Tamara
Dear Wayne & Tamara,
My stepsister came into my life 10 years ago when we moved to the States. I was always told to treat her as a good brother should, but it was easier said than done for an 8-year-old boy. She was only a year younger than me, but still a total stranger living under our roof at the time.
She came to be a real treasure to my parents and I. Over time she became my best friend. We did everything together. When things got tough, we were always there to pick each other up.
Now we’re in high school, and she’s become popular with the guys. They flock toward her and talk to me about her. I mention to her how guys want to be her boyfriend, and she always says she’s not looking for a boyfriend. I began to suspect she is a lesbian.
Recently I had my heart broken by a girl in a humiliating way in front of other students. My sister kept trying to cheer me up, but it’s hard when all these guys chase her and I get stepped on by the people I like.
Feeling jealous and bitter of my sister and how easily she can get a boyfriend, I began distancing myself from her. She didn’t get the hint and continued to try to hang out like we always did.
One night when I was in my room, my sister knocked on my door and asked if we could talk. We sat down on my bed. She told me she was scared I didn’t like her anymore and that she waited a long time to tell me something.
Before I knew it, she kissed me on the lips. I got off the bed and quickly left the room. I never told my parents and tried to play it off like it never happened. But now I catch her looking at me from time to time, and I know what those looks mean.
On one hand she is supposed to be my sister, but on the other, nobody ever cared for me the way she does. I’m more confused than ever.
Jordan, she has a crush on you. Why should that be surprising? You are not biologically brother and sister.
Let’s imagine it’s the Big Brother house. Lock up a few people, and they pair off like it’s their universe. In a bar with 100 people, they may not give each other a second look, but when the number shrinks to 16, something else happens. Who attracts you is connected to the size of the pond you fish in.
We can tell you don’t share her feelings because of your deduction. She likes girls. Handle this as you would if she were a female outside the house who you did not care to date. Handle it politely and simply. We are friends and you are a good person, but that’s not the way I feel about you.
That allows her to move on. She approached you and got her answer.
You were thrown together by your parents. Neither of you needs to feel bad, neither of you needs to feel embarrassed. Nothing wrong happened. That’s how relationships are handled. You deal with what comes up honestly.
There is pressure in high school to have a girlfriend or boyfriend, but you have years in front of you. You don’t have to have someone today. It will always be most important that the person you have a relationship with is right for you.
Not just somebody because everyone else has somebody. That’s a nobody. Those things leave scars.
If the store doesn’t have your shoe size, the store doesn’t have your shoe size. You don’t jam your size 9s into a size 8 and think you can live like that. You have to wait for a 9.
That one simple idea could revolutionize relationships.
Wayne & Tamara
Send letters to: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com , or Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield MO 65801.