Debuking Dangerous Marriage Myths
Harry was having an affair with Ellen. His wife Barbara knew nothing about
it until, to assuage his guilt, Harry decided to tell his wife the truth.
His confession had a devastating impact from which the couple (and Ellen)
are still reeling.
Confession may be good for the soul, but is it always good for the marriage?
Dr. Arnold Lazarus, award-winning and internationally acclaimed professor,
therapist, author, and clinical innovator, believes that, to keep most
marriages viable, certain matters are best kept to oneself or confessed to
a trustworthy third party. "There are no hard and fast rules that pertain
to all marriages," he allows. "But my observations of clients and
acquaintances over the past 40 years have led me to conclude that being
completely transparent and totally open with your spouse will often court
According to Dr. Lazarus, most couples enter marriage with impossible dreams
and unrealistic expectations. "Whatever else marriage connotes, it is
essentially a partnership and an occupation," he says. "If people wrote job
descriptions, fully listing exactly what they wished to give and get from
marriage, and if each potential partner studied the other's lists before
getting engaged, much grief and many dashed hopes could be averted."
Dr. Lazarus drew on his own case studies as a psychotherapist, marriage,
and sex therapist for the original Marital Myths (1985), his insightful
look at prevailing marriage-busting notions. Now, with MARITAL MYTHS
REVISITED: A FRESH LOOK AT TWO DOZEN MISTAKEN BELIEFS
ABOUT MARRIAGE he re-examines his original commentaries and
expresses disagreement with -- or adherence to -- the ideas he expressed
in the original edition.
Familiar attitudes exposed as harmful myths include:
- Husbands and Wives Should Be Best Friends
- Marriage Should Be a 50-50 Partnership
- You Have to Work at Marriage
- Don't Have Sex When You're Angry
MARITAL MYTHS REVISITED helps couples explore their ideas about a committed
partnership through revealing exercises such as the "triple increase"
technique for positively highlighting three behaviors each spouse appreciates;
"prescribed dinners" to promote mutual enjoyment and support; and
"time-limited intercommunication" to hone deeper listening and understanding skill.
"If you are married or in a committed relationship," Dr. Lazarus urges,
"discuss each of your joint and individual expectations with a view to
eliminating or modifying those that are problematic, and ensuring that the
rest will be mutually fulfilled. Happy marriages are predicated on a capacity
to negotiate, compromise, and avoid rigid roles or categorical imperatives."
Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D., ABPP, is a Distinguished Professor Emeritus of Psychology
at Rutgers University, and has also served on the faculties of Stanford University,
Temple University Medical School, and Yale University. He has received numerous
honors and awards, most notably the Distinguished Service Award from the American
Board of Professional Psychology, special awards from the divisions of
psychotherapy and clinical psychology of the American Psychological Association,
and he is the first recipient of the prestigious Annual Cummings PSYCHE Award.
In 1999 he received two Lifetime Achievement Awards, one from the California
Psychological Association, and the other from the Association for Advancement
of Behavior Therapy. He has maintained a clinical practice since 1959 and has
authored or co-authored 17 books and over 250 articles and chapters.
MARITAL MYTHS REVISITED is available at online and local bookstores
nationwide or directly from Impact Publishers, Inc. at 1-800-246-7228.
MARITAL MYTHS REVISITED: A Fresh Look at Two Dozen
Mistaken Beliefs About Marriage
by Arnold A. Lazarus, Ph.D.
152 pages -- Trade paperback
ISBN: 1-886230-38-2 -- $13.95 -- March 200
Buy Now! Marital Myths Revisited